As I approach 30, I have a
pretty solid idea of who I want to be when I get there. And even if the
Big Three-O is an arbitrary demarcation between youth and true
adulthood, it's important to set goals for yourself. The particulars of
those goals come down to the individual in question, but there are some
things we should all have down pat by a certain age.
1. Keeping all your money in one place. Ideally, you're making more money than ever before now and you aren't just keep all your savings in your regular savings account. You should be making your money work for you,
actively putting it towards your retirement fund as well as
diversifying your investment portfolio. Not sure where to start? Try
investment platform Ellevest, which is specifically targeted at helping women.
2. Depending financially on others.
If you are an able-bodied, able-minded adult, you need to take care of
yourself instead of relying on others. Sure, emergencies may happen and
you may need to borrow some money from your parents or friends when they
do, but your financial dependence on others shouldn't be routine. The
women's liberation movement got us to the point where we're no longer
our male relative's property. Let's all take advantage of that by having
a savings account and credit card in our own name.
3. Not having an emergency fund. You
should have had one in your twenties, but if you managed without it
then, you definitely need one now — whether you have a family or not. Experts suggest keeping at least three to six months of expenses saved in a high-interest savings account.
4. Tipping like a broke college student. Tipping
poorly or not tipping at all is never OK. When you leave a crappy tip,
you're not rebelling against The Man; you're rebelling against servers
and kitchen staff. If you can't afford to eat out, eat at home and get a
little more inventive with your pasta. You don't have to limit yourself
to the instructions on the back of the blue macaroni box. Throw in some
spinach. Add tuna. Go with Gruyère instead of that icky cheese sauce in
the packet. Have a pasta party! And when you finally eat out again, tip
20 percent. Uh-huh, that's right. None of this 10 or 15 percent
nonsense, unless the service was truly sub-par.
5. Staying in a bad relationship for too long. Even
if you're scared of turning into the Bridget Jones of your friendship
group, you should be more scared of staying in a bad relationship just
for the sake of saying you're in a relationship. In fact, more woman in
their thirties are single than ever before — and they're fine with it.
6. Not communicating with your lovers. The
person, or people, you're seeing should know what's up. Do you like
them? Do you want to date exclusively? Do you want to get married? Are
you still playing the field? Do you want to see other people? Talk. Be
honest. You're not responsible for other people's feelings, but you can
minimize other people's heartbreak by not lying, cheating, faking, or
generally being a jerk. In the best case scenario, you and your lover
will part ways because you are incompatible, not because you are too
self-centered and immature to respect another human being.
7. Claiming you're not a feminist because of guys. If
you're afraid that guys will think you're a "femi-nazi" because you
call yourself a feminist, you need to start dating different guys.
Feminism says that women deserve the same rights as men. You're not a
"man-hater" because you want equal pay or autonomy over your body. Men
who can't understand that are not men; they are boys. And there are few
things worse than a misogynist in a diaper. Make it clear that you
demand equal treatment and respect, and that you refuse to settle for
less in any relationship.
8. Not de-stressing enough. Keeping stress bottled up inside or saying you'll deal with it later is an amateur move. Studies show that letting go of stress can help you avoid cognitive impairment
and keep your mind young. So do whatever you gotta do, whether it be
exercise, taking advantage of your vacation time, or planning more wine
nights with your friends.
9. Not prioritizing sleep. Sure,
you could pull an all-nighter in your twenties, take a power nap, and
then look presentable at work the next day. But those days are over. Now
you need your friggin' sleep. And you shouldn't leave it all for the
weekend — making up those extra hours on the weekend can end up
disrupting your internal clock and makes you even more tired for the
work week, says a study done at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center.
10. Not believing in sunscreen. As
a teenager, all I wanted was a tan and I'd conveniently "forget"
sunscreen for every beach or pool day. This lasted well into my
twenties, and I can already see some of the damage it's done. No one
wants wrinkles and dull skin at any age, so make sure to cover up.
And don't skip your hands and neck! Those areas are a dead giveaway to
your skin's real age — especially if damage has made it look older than
you really are.
11. Not going to the doctor. We're
all guilty of thinking we're invincible and going to the doctor only
when we're basically at death's door, but by 30, you should be going in for regular checkups — this is when high cholesterol and high blood pressure can start to pop up.
12. Holding grudges. Dwelling
on hurtful memories and resentful feelings can have a serious negative
impact on your emotional and physical health, according to a study published by the Association for Psychological Science.
Plus, studies show that forgiveness can improve your life physically
and psychologically. Some of the benefits include lower blood pressure,
less depression, less stress, less anxiety, and maybe even a few less
wrinkles.
13. Crash dieting. Saying
you just won't eat for two days so you can look really svelte in that
dress for your friend's wedding sounds good, but it's a really bad idea.
Research shows that it can reduce your energy levels, mess up your concentration, make you feel moody and make you feel older! Plus, it can cause wrinkles and skin sagging.
14. Eating like a garbage truck.
Junk food has its time and place. That time and place is not all the
time, everywhere. If you need help getting on track with a healthy diet,
see a nutritionist. Shop for healthy food, even if you're on a budget
(one tip: beans and lentils are cheap and very healthy). And if you're
suffering from a dearth of time, cook your meals in advance and freeze
them or pay for a health-conscious meal delivery service if you can
afford it. Potato chips and soda is NOT the breakfast of champions!
15. Binge drinking. Yes, moderate amounts of alcohol are good for you (and can even help you lose weight).
And, yes, many of us did it in college and survived. But it's a
terrible thing to do to your body. Enjoy a glass or two of wine, but
know when to stop.
16. Not having a single "grown-up" outfit. You
should have at least one outfit that will comfortably take you through
professional spaces, whether you're interviewing for a job or applying
for a loan. You don't need to be a clotheshorse, but you do need to have something that won't detract from how awesome and capable you are.
And if money is the issue, thrift shops often offer plenty of low-cost
options. Many churches, women's shelters, and other charities offer free
clothes, too. Some of them will even connect you with a tailor or dry
cleaner. Who can say no to that kind of hookup?
17. Not doing whatever the hell you say you're going to do. Say
it with me: "I will try to avoid making promises I can't keep and
apologize when I flake out." It's not a sexy mantra, but it's a good
one. Honor your commitments. If you have a hard time doing that, figure
out how you can improve and then actually take the steps necessary to do
that. You can read all the self-help books and take all the yoga
classes in the world, but being a good person isn't a "fake it 'til you
make it" kind of thing. Follow through on things, the same way you paint
every fingernail — not just a third of them.
18. Showing up late and thinking it's cute.
Set multiple alarms, leave a little early, and respect other people's
time. Sometimes that means going someplace without mascara with a run in
your tights. Deal with it. Being late on occasion makes you human, but
you should always notify people when you're running late. Don't make
appointments if you can't do that much. Stay at home and whine about
your life instead. At least you won't keep anyone waiting that way.
19. Hanging out with toxic friends. Why would you hang out with people that make you feel bad about yourself? Yes, it's super entertaining on The Real Housewives, but that's television. It's a waste of your time — cut the cord.
20. Pretending you're into stuff when you're not.
It's one thing to be polite and listen to people when they tell you
about their hobbies and interests. It's another thing to latch onto
whatever someone's talking about and acting like you love something.
Are you really that desperate for friendship or that insecure about
your own identity? Be yourself. People will still want to hang out with
you, date you, and generally include you in their lives, even if you've
never been snowboarding or – gasp! – watched Game of Thrones.
21. Comparing yourself to others. This
is such a tough one to do, but so very vital. If you constantly think
of what you don't have versus what someone does have, you will never get
anything done and be absolutely miserable. When you start to go down
this spiral, refocus yourself.
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